My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
How does it feel to date your dad?
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
