Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Randomize
