Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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