i need an iv and a liver transplant
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
