sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
me + whiskey = a bad person
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
