He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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