i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Randomize
