you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
