Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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