went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Randomize
