dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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