Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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