So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
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