1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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