Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
