He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
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