Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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