Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Randomize
