How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
