Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
