I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
