I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
