I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.�
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
