did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
