i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
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