Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
