I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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