i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
