i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Randomize
