Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
