Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
