I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
