I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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