He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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