i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
