I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Randomize
