turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
