dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
