I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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