Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
