It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
