Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
