I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
