i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
