I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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