Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
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