You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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