dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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