I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
