i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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