I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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