I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
